Sweet, sweet sorrow.
I've always hated Valentine's...
This year, the clock's barely struck twelve and already I'm a mess. Tara's gone, and I don't know when I'll see her again. And I can't bear to think how long it'll be before I do, because it was two years ago last she was back.
We had the best time today, just the two of us from 12 to 12 exactly. 12 hours of happy, carefree, bliss. Eating, drinking, laughing. And enough shopping to make me feel guilty, which rarely happens. We scoffed at the street peddlars hawking their overpriced rose stems as we walked arm in arm down the street, incredulous when they approached us. We'd joked that it was our own version of Valentines, since she'll be spending the real day on the plane flying back to Munich.
Our day had started with lunch at a bistro, the two of us leisurely enjoying our salads, soups, cake and champagne. Then a manicure, pedicure and massage at a salon, to ease our minds from the impending goodbye. I must have bought an entire new wardrobe of lingerie and baubles to add to my massive collections. Again, all just a distraction from the pain.
Then after a decadent dinner comprising altogether too much food for two rather slight females, the night finally drew to an end at a wine bar.
It was downright painful to say goodbye. We couldn't stop holding each other as the cabs waited to whisk us away, and it was a struggle for me to maintain my composure. I can't let her see me cry, and I'll do everything in my power just not to unecessarily upset her.
Though goddamnit, I'm in pieces now.
Today was a final crescendo in the past five weeks. She's been here with me, through the recent period's madness, Chinese New Year and all. We've gone out dancing alone, she waited with me in the wee mornings til Chris showed up, she laughed with me over the sordid details, she shrugged with me when it ended.
But there's no one to comfort me now that she's gone, and nothing compares to this. Men be damned.
The cheap shiraz can't drown my sorrow, and I've had so much I feel ill.
Yet I know that tomorrow will be better... because pain like everything else in life is transient, and we have an amazing capacity to forget.
So just for tonight, I'll weep without restraint. Because I love her unconditionally, and slightly more than I should. And it hurts so much to know she won't be here anymore when she feels so much a part of me now.
I've always hated Valentine's...
This year, the clock's barely struck twelve and already I'm a mess. Tara's gone, and I don't know when I'll see her again. And I can't bear to think how long it'll be before I do, because it was two years ago last she was back.
We had the best time today, just the two of us from 12 to 12 exactly. 12 hours of happy, carefree, bliss. Eating, drinking, laughing. And enough shopping to make me feel guilty, which rarely happens. We scoffed at the street peddlars hawking their overpriced rose stems as we walked arm in arm down the street, incredulous when they approached us. We'd joked that it was our own version of Valentines, since she'll be spending the real day on the plane flying back to Munich.
Our day had started with lunch at a bistro, the two of us leisurely enjoying our salads, soups, cake and champagne. Then a manicure, pedicure and massage at a salon, to ease our minds from the impending goodbye. I must have bought an entire new wardrobe of lingerie and baubles to add to my massive collections. Again, all just a distraction from the pain.
Then after a decadent dinner comprising altogether too much food for two rather slight females, the night finally drew to an end at a wine bar.
It was downright painful to say goodbye. We couldn't stop holding each other as the cabs waited to whisk us away, and it was a struggle for me to maintain my composure. I can't let her see me cry, and I'll do everything in my power just not to unecessarily upset her.
Though goddamnit, I'm in pieces now.
Today was a final crescendo in the past five weeks. She's been here with me, through the recent period's madness, Chinese New Year and all. We've gone out dancing alone, she waited with me in the wee mornings til Chris showed up, she laughed with me over the sordid details, she shrugged with me when it ended.
But there's no one to comfort me now that she's gone, and nothing compares to this. Men be damned.
The cheap shiraz can't drown my sorrow, and I've had so much I feel ill.
Yet I know that tomorrow will be better... because pain like everything else in life is transient, and we have an amazing capacity to forget.
So just for tonight, I'll weep without restraint. Because I love her unconditionally, and slightly more than I should. And it hurts so much to know she won't be here anymore when she feels so much a part of me now.
I've always hated Valentine's...
posted by rose at 12:36 AM
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